if i don't make your heart skip a beat then hate me [entries|friends|calendar] Just one more time they'll be playing our song [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[19 Dec 2005|05:07pm] i told myself i would last more than one month on livejournal..psh my word is going to hell. i'll probably never ever update this again...so if you want to keep in touch, add me on myspace or something. ( www.mypsace.com/chyeahdawg ) post comment

i take time to write. [01 Dec 2005|11:41am] This is for the day when you feel like the end of your life is literally in that moment. The moment when you just think that absolutely nothing can ever compare to what you just went through, or what you're feeling. When you feel like there is not a single person you know who could or would understand, or who you could trust, or who could put on your shoes and walk your past. This is for the moments when the only words you can feel/taste/smell/hear are lyrics to the saddest song you've ever heard--and at the moment it's the sweetest of sounds. Or, to the moments when you're so low, not even a lyric or sound could bring you back. This is for the moments when you're so full of regret, you feel like your stomach lining is wearing thinner than melting ice. You can't eat. It just hurts so much. This is for that invisible feast. This is for keeping in so many painful secrets and wishing you were someone different, someone perfect? This is for not being so perfect.  This is for the days you acted like someone else, you acted like a fool. A complete idiot, infact. Once again, this is for regret. Regretting you took the wrong path when you knew you could have taken the right one. Or for the times you thought you were taking the right one all along. This is for being a complete screw up, and knowing you were a screw up. Screw up's are okay--they’re part of life. Its part of being not perfect. This is for pushing away so many people, without giving them the chance to be part of your life. And then realizing you need them in your life--it’s too late. Cheerio? Ciao? Sad. This is for being scared of love.  This is for the lonely nights you could have had the best company. This is for leaving places you shouldn’t have left, and saying goodbye to the people that should still be there with you. This is for all the pointless fights you had with anyone and everyone. Don’t be so angry.  This is for speaking your mind at the wrong times, or wishing you could turn back time (your words). This is for all the sorry's you could possibly say. post comment

[26 Nov 2005|11:06pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | RENT ] it's funny, i don't think i've ever felt this good about myself, or life in a long time. it's so wierd, that i can't even grasp the concept that i really truly am happy.  it's so strange, but yet so true.  i'm so content with everything right now, i can't imagine that it could get much better.  so anyways, thanksgiving was alright.  my family is so wierd, but yet so heart-warming and loving.  at times i wished i was eating at another thanksgiving table, just because the most random conversations kept being started.  I figure it could have been from the large quantities of red wine and champagne that was drunk before the meal..but maybe not. it may sound silly, but i've actually never felt this close to my family as i did this thanksgiving holidays.  The best part of my holidays was definatley, without a doubt..seeing RENT.  i am so obsessed with this musical, it's actually becoming quite unhealthy (or so my mother says) okay well that's really all i have to say. even though i could write a whole 5093485 page book on RENT.  but i won't..because i am tired, and i am lazy. so goodbye, and goodnight 1 comment|post comment

LIFE IN GENERAL. [17 Nov 2005|09:23am] [ music | instument ] i'm still not sure what's going on or what my life is doing.  it's like a rollercoaster ride with the most intricate loops and strangest structure and design.  it's at high speed, never stopping.  well, until now.  the conductor of the ride has pulled the lever back and stopped my ride completely (or so it seems).  in stuck at the highest point, i can either go forward or backwards.  which way will i choose?  forward.  but in reality, i slowly inch backwards.  i'm pushing myself forward, but instead, moving backwards; moving downhill the wrong way.  what is all of this supposed to mean?  i've got to keep going, i've got to make the ride do what I want it to do.  not what the conductor wants it to do.  for in fact, this is my ride, not his....right?  he may controll the rollercoaster, but i controll my actions, my words, my thoughts and the ride itself.  i should enjoy my ride, correct?  but do i?  not at all.  i need inspiration. i need a push.  i don't need pain.  because, pain only moves me behind.  i want to feel the wind in my hair and enjoy every milisecond of my ride.  i'm not sure what's going to happen.  but i've got to name this rollercoaster ride.  it can't be nameless.  people need to know about it, and they, themselves need to ride it.  they need to love the ride, not hate it and get off of it.  for, if they get off of it, where will they go?  nowhere.  maybe to sit down on a near-by bench.  but what will that do for them?  they've given up.  i have not given up.  people think so, but i haven't.  i'm still on the ride, even if i'm moving backwards...i'm still getting somewhere.  for with every good deed i am doing, i am slowly inching forward.  TIME. TIME. TIME.  WHY, THAT'S ALL I NEED! post comment

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